Pet Remembrance Day (8 September)- how parents can support their children through pet loss

While many of us know just how heart wrenching losing a pet can be, for children it can be a deeply traumatic and life-changing time as it’s “one of the first major losses in the family a child is most likely to encounter”, says the UK’s leading expert on pet loss, Diane James.

This year, leading pet charity, Blue Cross celebrates its 30th year of their national pet loss helpline, which has helped more than 20,000 people come to terms with losing a pet, either through death, theft or if they’ve gone missing.

In a recent survey, the charity found that over 50% of people surveyed found it incredibly difficult to explain the loss of a pet to a child, and nearly 80% of 16–24-year-olds had experienced some form of pet loss, often being when they went off to university having grown up with the pet throughout most of their childhood.

Lisa, and son Noah, age 6 lost both family dogs 8 weeks apart

Lisa Matthews’s son, Noah, was just five years old when the family lost their beloved dogs, x and x last year, within just eight weeks of each other. Speaking of the heartbreaking experience, Lisa said:

“We lost our beautiful Bulldog, Bramble, when she was just four and a half years old due to a suspected brain tumour – it was so sudden and unexpected. Our little boy Noah has been around animals since he was born and although we lost our gorgeous cats some years ago, he was too young to remember so this was his first real experience of pet loss. It was really important that we were honest with Noah so he came to the vets with us to say our goodbyes, and Noah understood that she was poorly so had to go to Heaven.

“In the days and weeks following, Noah asked us questions and there were lots of tears, especially at night time, because he missed Bramble so much. He kept asking to bring her back from Heaven and said how he wanted to see her again, but we had to explain that this wasn’t possible. Then, just eight weeks later, we lost our Frenchie, Barley, due to a known heart condition. In some ways, losing them so close together made it a little easier for Noah to understand because he knew that he had gone to be with Bramble, and now they could look after each other.

“We have both of our dog’s ashes at home and Noah knows that they are there because we always talk about them both with him. We also have a digital photo frame that has so many wonderful memories of our time together, and he looks at the pictures and asks about them often. Sometimes, he still cries but we have made sure that he knows it’s ok to feel sad and that he can miss them”.

Alice, 17 was left heartbroken when her pets died and was offered help

Alice Ballard, now 17 years old, experienced her first pet loss when she was just 12 years old. She found that some of her school friends struggled to understand why she was so sad, so with the support of her mum, Lynn, she turned to Blue Cross’s Pet Loss Support Service for advice. She said

“I had not long started secondary school when I lost my Guinea Pig, Pepsi - she was my first pet and I adored her but my friends didn’t fully understand why I was so upset. I was devastated at the time as this was my first experience of pet loss and I still remember the pain so vividly now. In that same year, my cat Merton, which we had had since I was a baby, was hit by a car and again, I was heartbroken and confused. I asked my mum if I could attend the euthanasia and she let me and I’m still really glad I went, even though it was so hard. I remember the vet lighting a candle and giving us a leaflet about the Blue Cross’s Pet Loss Support Service, which included advice for children. At first I was nervous about calling them so I decided to contact them via email and it really helped to learn that everything I was feeling was normal as well as suggesting ways to remember my beloved pets – I wrote down all of my feelings and we went on to dig a grave where we planted some beautiful flowers and wrote a poem to remember both pets by. I would recommend anyone who needs support to contact them, knowing now that they also do webchat is even better for younger people, like me”.

Radio DJ and TV presenter, Kate Lawler speaks about her beloved pets after speaking with Blue Cross’ experts on pet loss

Earlier this week, radio DJ,TV presenter and former Big Brother winner, Kate Lawler, met with Diane James, the UK’s leading expert in pet loss at a Blue Cross Animal Hospital in London, to find out more about how the charity supports parents and children to come to terms with losing their beloved pets.

As a mum to three-year-old daughter, Noa, and dog mum to Shirley who is a cross-breed between a Lurcher, Yorkshire Terrier, Chihuahua and Staffie, and Border Terrier Baxter, Lawler explained that she recently came close to having to have a conversation with Noa about loss, when elderly Baxter suddenly became very poorly with pancreatitis earlier this summer. Kate said:

“I have had multiple trips to the vets over the years but I have never seen the work that goes on behind the scenes, and it was absolutely fascinating to see just how much the teams do every single day to keep our beloved pets healthy and safe.

“My dogs are like my children and my little girl, Noa, has never known a life without them. With my Baxter being elderly and having had a scare with his health recently, I have been preparing her for the day he has to cross the rainbow bridge, and so it was very insightful to speak to Diane. She suggested tips on how to prepare Noa for the inevitable time, such as creating a memory box filled with beautiful keepsakes or making a teddy bear using one of his blankets which I think are such lovely ideas to keep a pet’s memory alive and help children to understand the concept of loss”. 

Blue Cross’s Pet Loss Support Service is run by a team of trained volunteers who support people through all forms of pet loss including death, missing pets, theft, rehoming and more. It can be accessed via a free and confidential helpline, email and webchat, and provides support 365 days a year, including Christmas Day, between 8.30am-8.30pm.

If you would like support with the loss of a pet, or to find out more about becoming a volunteer for Blue Cross’s Pet Loss Support Service, visit www.bluecross.org.uk/pls where you will find more information, resources and contact details.